The girls walked in with the staff, six girls and 4 staff. Mr.G was new, and Miss D, Miss Wi and Miss Da. The first thing I realized is I had the name tags pre-printed and needed to id who was who. The set up they were going to have a half-hour snack time before we started. They were getting flavored water and crunchy snacks like pretzels in a pouch. When Ca entered the room she saw the set up and probably me and said, "Oh, I know what this is. Do I have to? I want to go back." Everyone was milling around in this large room and i was handing out name tags and introducing myself. At this time I did not know anyone by name and also engaged a little with the staff and those I remembered from a previous meeting.
This was not a great start but as the sessions went on, while this improved and eventually the girls would come up and sit in circle, it was never a good transition. I'm so glad to have learned about the art time at the beginning. That would have settled them down a little.
As we finally got everyone to sit in the circle I breathed in and out a few times. I was prepared to not be in control and would work with what I had. What I would find out rather quickly was a principle i was going to be challenged on for the good of the individual and for the good of the group. Mr. G. a rather new staff member through out the session was going to be my nemesis, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
To begin with we did not separate the girls. They were tired and had every reaction against coming into the circle. Ja, who later became a wonderful student, laid on her stomach and Ma wandered around. It was pretty chaotic and I did not react. I let them go and after the break they were able to change their behavior since the content of what we were doing was getting interesting.
Instead of a soft landing for the first session, MSC asks for an opening meditation. My practice was to be in meditation as I was giving it. I had no choice so therefore, I looked up maybe two times to see, some girls with eyes closed and some open and sitting there and some giggling and trying to disrupt the others. This ratio would improve but Ca would never do anything but look out into nowhere.
On the girls behalf, no one told them what I was doing and what to expect. So I started with that. Going around the circle, introducing ourselves, name what have you experience with meditation or what do you know about it. Ja did breathing, Ca slept, An did yoga, MA no response, Kr gratitude practice, To yoga and the rest I did not record.It would take me until session III to know everyone's name and their personality. A crack I need to fill with gold. At least when I finally know someone, it is a deep connection.
Developing guiding principles for the group. This worked as each girl wrote down, "How would I like to be treated," and "How would I like to treat others," to feel comfortable and safe. Each participant [includes staff] gave input that went onto a flip chart. Everyone had something to say and it started to pull together the group. I found emphasizing that this was created by 'us' started to feel empowering. This list was developed by the group, reviewed and eventually we printed it out for everyone to sign and keep. Remind everyone that we will break the rules but the importance of being aware of when it happens and to bring us back to the rules we aspire to. [note to self. They did not hear you say this when you said it. Attention spans are short at the end of the session. Plan on it.]
Read David Whyte's, "Start Close In." I lost them completely. The guidance of "trusting your own experience and go slow," might have been memorable.
How Do I Treat a Friend?
Think about a time when you've had a close friend who was suffering and think about a time when you were suffering.
Broke into groups and the sound of each trio sharing was great. I had my first challenge with Ma going to the corner of the room. I joined Ma and we were just getting started with her sharing a wonderful story about her close friend, smiling and Mr. C [staff] came to join us and the dynamic dramatically changed. He wanted to immediately give her a mark and then I told him how the dynamic changed when he approached and if it would be okay if he did not join us. He was okay with that. Mr. C. always had a lot to share about his experiences in meditation and always took the exercises seriously. He was new, he wanted to use the demerit system which I was avoiding during these sessions and the girls were having difficulty with his methods that worked for boys but not the girls. In a later debrief I was told his methods caused the girls to react strongly. We got back together to debrief and Ma was still wandering but the sharing was good as it always is after small groups.
Flip Chart Review of What is Mindful Self-Compassion?
Ended with Soothing Touch and Self Compassion Break
Ended with these two meditations and observed how powerful it was. Ka the youngest, 13, was thrilled as well as To, also 13. Ka continued to use this throughout when she wanted to calm herself. this also became the Home Practice for the week.
What did I skip?
- Didactic of 9 talking points.
- Poetry.
- Self-compassion versus self-esteem.
Learnings this week:
- Empower, involve and include the girls in what happens whenever possible.
- Must have assigned seating... not empowering but a necessity to limit engaging in distractions between the girls.
- Writing on paper before sharing works really well. I think there is a curiosity of what each girl said.
- Poetry did not seem to work. Look into more relevant poetry. They are interested in poetry written by the HCPS (adult prison system).
- Stay centered, listen deeply and reflect.
- This kind of involvement seems like such a gift.