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Debrief about 7/25/2018

Our weekly teleconference was rescheduled for Monday because of my retreat at the ARC.  This is the first blog in real time, written the day of the meeting!

We start with a description of our experience, mine in this case, since Su was ill that day.  I thought that in general the girls were quieter, and went deeper, but not perfect, in meditation.  They participated when asked but there was less as the session went by.

Kr said it was a tumultuous week, after the Wed. session.  In a group session, the girls complained about Ta while she was in the room.  They said they were not able to concentrate with her interruptions and they thought it was disrespectful to the facilitator, myself.  The scarves were more distracting.  The discussion went south and she hit her hand against the wall, breaking her knuckle and she is now in a cast.  Also, Au had some bad news and they found that she had cut herself 20 times.  In general, the girls feel this program is too long and Ma was questioning the relevance to her life.

Kr said the practice of, “finding a behavior they would like to change,” would be just fine.  I asked about using the verbiage, “teens”  and she thought, “girls” was best.  She will be checking to see if she can make the meditations available for the girls to work on.  She did reinforce with them that they will find one or two that they like.

With that as a backdrop for the next session, we decided to go forward as follows:

  • Keep Ta in circle,  in hopes she will change.  We as facilitators will pay close attention to how the others are reacting.
  • Add the self-esteem vs self-kindness to a dialogue.
  • Add Sponge-Bob nice and S-B mean to the dialogue.
  • Add the reptile to the circle.
  • Announce we will be having one on one meetings on Friday with each girl to discuss their practice.

 

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Session III – Loving-Kindness

The Loving-Kindness session is a transitional point. For those of us that trained in mindfulness first, it is the icing on the cake. It is what brings meditation into your heart and creates a wholeness. This station on the journey begins by bringing the sense of loving-connect presence.

Kind Loving Words

Cutting out the words was done but not laminated as instructed. I needed to supply the words three time for each isolated tables. Isolating the tables, is a good way to limit a lot of talking and energy between the girls. Each set was placed in a golden envelope and I grabbed these blank watercolor greeting cards to increase the important of what was written on them. Suz was sick, and she had the calligraphy pens so I purchased a lot of colored markers which I think turned out to be a great choice.

I added music to this session. Selected,        , as it had a strong beat but was calming.  As Lorraine said, everything comes with a risk.  My speaker system did not connect to WIFI, so I used my iPhone which became a topic of discussion, especially since they knew it was an X, and how much it cost.  Oy, as Suz says in these situations.

The girls are interactive with me, sorry that Suz was not there and I even got an invitation for lunch.
Av and Ci were together. Janiya with Mr. D, who wrote a poem.  Autum and Raven were at a table and Mayabella came late and was at a table to herself.

Words selected were:  Confidence, Self-compassion, Peace, Love, They would be used, per Lorraine’s suggestion, as windows to their own loving-kindness words.

Scarf Experiment

I think the girls like our sessions because they are always surprised at what is next.  As they walked into the room, quietly, there were 10 scarves that Suz and I collected for them.  Many questions came up including can I keep this?  I demonstrated how a scarf can be arranged around your shoulders to give yourself a hug when you need it.  Later, Ta and My, wrapped them around their heads.  My used it completely around her head.  There were laughing and I asked them how it felt, and they said it felt  good to laugh.  The rest used them and it added some comfort.  I believe the experiment was a success and will bring them again. Also, take a picture of the centerpiece with the scarves arranged around it.

Affectionate Breathing

After a week of listening to this meditation in my own practice, I was able to lead the girls through this meditation.  I could see they weren’t breathing so I asked them to breath in and out together, and they did that.  I believe but I don’t know, the starting meditation is the toughest.  There was  a dramatic change, it was as quiet as it ever has been.

Summary of their practices and meditations so far:

Reviewed  the meditations and they were engaged.  I asked around the circle for them to express which mediation they were drawn to.  Au (Compassionate body Scan), Ja (Soothing Touch), My (all of them), Ra (could remember each one and repeat what they were like.

Touched on back draft.  Aware that the information was being absorbed because no one interrupted and no one commented.

Mindful Walking

With the promise that they will continue to work on this, they will be able to mindfully walk outside.  What a difference that will make for them but they still need to improve their mindful activities before we go outside.

Loving-Kindness for Someone you Love/Care about

I like this image for giving kindness to others, watering those seeds.

They took any position that included the floor.  Ja and Au laid down, AU on a table and Au face down on the floor.  They were quiet, the best I’ve experienced.  It is such an interesting meditation.  Start with these phrases.  I used May you be loved, May you be happy and May you accept yourself as you are.  Dialogue around what they experienced was better.  I asked anyone to share.  Ra was first.  All of them, except Ja, shared.   Av sat with a seat between her and Ja.  They laughed that their visitors sat between them.  Av said it was her sister and she said this was stupid.  In general, everyone had something to share or declined.  I asked to make sure everyone responded, rather than going around the circle.

My Word

I asked for them to bring out the kind and loving word they selected from the art session.  I asked them to acknowledge that this word jumped out at them.  That this word is a special word to them.  I then asked them to go around the circle and say that word and anything that they are thinking about it.  As project for the week, I asked them to write and work with their word.  Think more deeply about it and write a sentence about it.

Mindful Moments of Possibility

Su prepared printouts of the below everyday mindful activities.  This is the second project of the week.  Everyday practice one of these activities in a mindful way.

Brushing your teeth
Combing or brushing your hair
Getting dressed
Eating
Reading
Breathing
Anytime you stop and take a moment and pause

This session was more ease filled,  showed progress, enhanced our learning and i felt a closer connection e.g. was invited to lunch!

  • To do: Bring scarves.
  • Find a way to record responses when I’m facilitating.
  • Take pictures of the centerpiece

 

 

 

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Zoom Session #4

Lorraine was filled with important information. Very succinct and I am grateful to have her time to work with my situation. I wonder sometimes, if she thinks I’m a little nuts.

Here are the fine points.

* Suz is a teaching assistant.
* What am I feeling right now? Stay present in my own presence, even during our calls.
* Comment on the selection of stones: Pick your stone without looking. See the stone with fresh eyes. Notice what arises. What is coming up? What are your eyes drawn to?
* If people leave the circle, the participants feel less safe.
* Instead of what is your favorite practice, ask, “Which practice do you notice you are drawn to?”
* Are you aware that you are taking the time to practice self-care?
* This group live together. They are like a family. There may be sibling rivalry. ALWAYS SAY
WHAT DID YOU NOTICE WHEN YOU WERE CONCERNED ABOUT THAT OTHER PERSON?
“HOW CAN WE TREAT OURSELVES, WHEN WE FEEL THAT JEALOUSY?”
* I need to stay in a state of embodied presence.
* AFFECT TOLERANCE:
* Empowerment is good.
Everything has a risk
Blur the lines.
Clear boundaries.

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Session II – Paying Attention on Purpose

ART ACTIVITY

What a wonderful way to start. Picking out a stone and drawing it. It was new and different. We organized the talbe so there was two girls per table and brought the stones to them. It was quiet for almost 10 minutes. Ja stood the whole time. I asked if she was comfortable standing. she said she was. Suz later told me, she asked her to sit down.

Ci is a new girl. She was fine with this activity.

Changes: Make sure there are no beads in the tray.

Query: What are the rules? If the girl is not participating and not disturbing anyone else, she is okay. Use this as opportunities to ask how she is feeling?+

Chi Gong

Suz led four girls in Chi Gong. I went out of the room to speak to Ja and ask if she is good. Realizing that is not a good question, we did look at each other for a long time and I felt the connection. Note to self, at least use curiosity. She asked to speak to a staff and entered the room just when Chigong was ending.

The Pause…

At a time that was becoming disruptive, Sk asked for a “pause.” Asked each girl in the circle to comment on their favorite meditation experience so far. Every girl had a favorable comment… surprising. May commented on having family support and how grateful she was for that. She also commented on the unfairness of people not being in the room, which was a reference to Ci, which I recognized later. It was good that she could comment on that. More on the topic on the debrief with the director.

SOUND MEDITATION

We skipped the sound meditation and inserted in the end of Session II. What a perfect placement. Suz and I we used two kinds of chimes and the girls were interested. They asked us to chime at the exact same time and they were listening carefully. We then turned it over to them and they were delighted. They tried a few ways to do this and ended up very mindful. Great way to end the session.

To Do/Modifications:
* Ask Au to read a meditation next week.
* Ask someone to establish an open and closing for the circle.
* Re-look at Principles Together.
* Share vulnerability.

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Debrief with the staff

It was the official first day of winter where it was 50 degrees and raining which turned to 20 degrees and snow. I drove out for my debrief in terror of cars around me just praying not to spin out.

I'm having a very strange feeling of being completely comfortable so either i am so steeped in denial and illusion that I can't see reality or I'm doing something for the first time that fits and feels good. As I walked in, down the hallway the girls shouted at me, "Miss Sharon." Kr was escorting me and said they were not supposed to shout like that in the halls.

Debrief is a nice catchy way of describing what could also be called just feedback. I updated the staff of my activities, the difference of MSC and MFY and the exciting changes that could be made to the program. Some we have already experienced. Miss Da., Miss W, Miss Ra and Miss Co were all there and very supportive and excited about what we accomplished. I believe we always had what was best for the girls in mind.

Here are some of the changes we would change:
* Have a pre-meeting with the girls describing the program. Adding the art at the beginning as with each session.
* Define roles between the staff and between me and the staff. For example, during meditation one staff member should be observing the girls and not participating in the meditation.
* One suggestion was during meditations turn chairs to face outward, decreasing the distraction that occurs when one girls starts to distract others.
* Be clear when working on a challenging situation, especially for a staff member, to pick an example that you would be willing to share with others.
* Explain before a meditation how long it's going to be. Ten minutes seems to be a max.

What worked:
* Talking sticks was great. It engaged the girls and the creative solution of tying the sticks together instead of each girl using their own. We unwrapped them and they have plans to use them later. They said they used them during their mother's circle but it did not always work.
* The Reptilian brain with the hand puppet of a dinosaur was creative and compelling. That awareness made an impact. Asking permission to work with Ca when she smashed the rattle when she was not being heard, and then talking about it in the context of the reptilian brain might have made some impact.
* The co-creation activities, involving the girls was always a big hit. Can we create moments of choice, in a world when they can make so few decision for themselves?
* Demonstrating my vulnerability in session 7. Ta was not asked to leave and she distracted Ca and the whole meditation went downhill. I needed to stop and start over and did not. Great learning and feeling I reached my learning edge. Struggling with the good of the individual (not taking TA out of the room) and sacrificing the good of the group (they did not have the silence they needed).

Co-Creation Activities:
* At the beginning we used the Parking Lot for subjects that got off topic. This was an important step for building trust. If it was listed, we reviewed it each week and checked it off. Obviously, reinforcing that they had a voice and helping to get back on track when they started talking to take us completely off topic.
* The creation of Talking Sticks was a great beginning. Each girls talking about the meaning around hers and proudly displaying it.
* Asking the girls to organize a two hour meditation class on their own, in my absence, was a great idea. The creativity they used, the satisfaction, the learning and the leadership all provided an excellent experience that hopefully they would not forget.

How did it go to have the staff involved in each session?
* It was not an option to not have them involved. It would have been awkward to not have them involved. They all mentioned aspects that they liked but recognizing that it was not easy and the dance of my facilitating and them interfering when things went crazy was always a learning edge. I think the best solution was when Miss Wi stepped in and said, "maybe we should have a moment of silence," Perfect. Again, the above suggestion to define roles and rules before we start is a great one. Kr was my contact and feedback was provided by her each week, also a great check and balance.

They were impressed with my patience:
* At the beginning, they were impressed with my patience and wondered if i was going to return. I told them I had a friend that I debriefed with on my drive home. They liked hearing that. But in general, as I reflected above, this feels like my work and with that an acceptance of what is.